Aaaaaah

Ow I hate this. I am reallly annoyed by everything at the moment. Why on earth isn't anything going right here.

First of all: How hard is it for ANY venture to hire me. I need a job and after 46 vacancies there is still nothing. Most ventures do not even bother to reply. They don´t care. The others just hire somebody else or give the job to somebody intern. It´s so not fair. Now I am waiting for 26 verntures to reply in the last month. I only had 1 interview. 1!!!!!! out of 26!!!! it´s absurd.

Second of all: I signed in for a schoolperiod of 4 years and even they are not replying to me. The people of the student department are in the school since the 1st of September. They are looking into the last forms now and I will hear something of them within 2 weeks. When I don't hear anything I have to call again. The best thing of all is that the school will start next Monday. I hate it to miss some schooldays but I have no choice. I don't even know if I can go to school again.......

Third of all: Money. Where the hell am I going to get the money to live. No job. And because I am not hearing a thing from school I don't know to look for a partime or a fulltime job. I don't know if I need to sign in for the "bijstand" as we call it here in the Netherlands. I also cannot sign in for "StuFi" (the organisation "IB-groep" "lent" students money to pay there study. The money they lent is StuFi) I just have to wait with nothing.

I really hate this all. Everybody is having jobs and new jobs and is earning money and me.... I have to do everything with nothing and nothing at all. It's not that I want to complain or want that people feel sorry for me but that is sure one thing I do not want. I just want to scream this all out and have it out of my system. It's making my insane and angry and annoyed and shall I carry on with the list?

I sometimes wish I could fall asleep and not wake up for a long, long time. Or wake up and everything is fine again. I just HATE this life I am living now. I am not good for anything, ow wait, I am good for the groccery shopping and the cleaning.....

And I think... In the end. The biggest thing I am feeling is fear.. Fear for what is going to come next.



Welcome to my life - Simple Plan