Hey everybody,
Just typing this at work.
Yesterday I had a dinner from work because I have to leave DHL. It was a long day and I think it was a bit to long. And one of the things is that some people just don't know how to be there on time. 7pm isn't 7.30pm. We waited outside for a while where some of my collega's smoked. I was in the middle of it so I had some on my body, my clothes, everything. We had dinner at Mr. Jack's. That's close by the Waalkade but not on it. It's a Greece - Italien restaurant. I loved the food but in the end of the evening my stomach told me it didn't I felt blown up...like a balloon. I also began to feel tired. Cyn had sms'ed me that she went to bed. That's another reason why I wanted to go home. I promissed to not make it to late and I wanted to keep that promisse. So no desert for me. I had emailed and sms'ed Cyn a few times to keep her updated. Just as I promissed. So after the bill was paid it was time to go home. I drove a little bit to hard just to be home a little bit earlier. (Not that it would help but still). I hoped the smell was gone but to be sure I used some Deo. I also was afraid I had eaten garlic so my teeth had to be cleaner than clean zo that was the second thing I had to do. I hoped it was good enough but when I went to bed I found out that it wasn't. Cyn went to the attic to sleep there. I felt like shit. also because my stomach still was complaining and finally I could dump a large bit in the toilet. Not feeling much better I went to bed again and tried to sleep but it was after 2 when I finally fell asleep.
When my phone alarm rang it was 6.50am. Time to go up and go to work. My stomach is still not being nice to me. I am gonna drink a lot of tea today and hopefully my stomach will go easy on me.
Just I don't understand. Well, part of me does but. Well... Ok the trust is gone I know that and I am working on that. Even yesterday. But me smoking again. Ok I lied in the beginning, when I started quitting but now... I prefer killing myself than taking 1 single sip of a cigarette. No way I am gonna do that again. I am working on my weight and my condition and that won't work both when I start smoking again. And then I don't mention the money problem. I mean, Cyn already told me already again and again (and how much I hate her doing that but she is so damn right)but it costs alot of money. I could have bought a car with that money I spend on smoking. And maybe the most important reason of not going to smoke ever in my life again is Cyn. After the found out I lied about not smoking I made a promisse to not ever smoke again and till the day of today I kept that promisse so I don't feel ashamed, I don't feel like I did a bad thing or that I did something wrong. I kept my promisse, All of my promisses yesterday and I am damn proud of that!
Well, I think it's time to start working. I have my 3rd cup of tea standing next to me.
Till later people
Cheers,
Joyce
For sale!
12 jaar geleden
The Waalkade is HUGE! Why should you STAND IN THE MIDDLE of it all, seeing you smelled like A LOT OF SMOKE!!! You could have stood out of the wind, 10 meters away because you know the smell nauseates me. But NOOO THAT WOULD NOT BE NICE COMPANY! And some deo??? The whole freaking first floor smelled like it and I could even smell it in my attic room! When you know I hate it, you think deo and brushing teeth will help??? TAKE A SHOWER! Stand NOT IN THE SMOKE. And WHY THE F*** should I trust you? This ain't the first thing you have lied to me about and I kinda had enough of it all. I am a freaking honest person and I am actually proud of it. I am tired of getting hurt because people misuse my trust and my honesty against me. I have told you this back in 2006 already. And you did not learn a damn thing from it... If you wanna smoke, go ahead. I really don't care anymore. I'll sleep in my own little room so I don't have to smell it. It's your freaking body. Inhaling smoke from others is even more toxic than smoking it yourself. So well, you did smoke technically because you were not prepared to stand aside. I know you lost interest in really not hurting me and lately you have broken many promises and I can't handle it anymore. I am freaking out because it is not the way I want to share a relationship. Why should I have to shove everything aside from you when all you do is hurting my feelings and even making me feel like i have to puke by smelling like you did last night???? I'll just stay in the sleepingbag which smells like 10000% better than you did last night. Seeing you did not change the covers, it still is smelly... No thanks...
BeantwoordenVerwijderenBe proud of what you have accomplished. You made me feel sick and wow, that is something alright!